I wish I could more clearly explain to folks how “I have always been a girl” and “I didn’t figure out I was a girl until later in childhood” can be simultaneously true.
‘Cause like. We have this weird idea that, like, either you’ve “always known”, or you never really were to begin with. And I don’t get how one follows from the other? Like, it’s possible to be something without knowing you are that thing; in fact, for trans folks in this culture, it’s practically unavoidable.
A friend of mine once described it as “No I didn’t ‘always know’, but when I realized it I looked back and went ‘SUDDENLY EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE’ ”
This is literally it okay. Looking back and realizing that shit, wait, these aren’t new feelings. I’ve been feeling this for as long as I can remember. Now I just know WHY.
You know how when you’re told something, you never stop seeing it? Like the arrow in the FedEx logo, for example. it’s always been there, but it wasn’t until you figured it out that you GOT it.